A concern with histories that hurt is not then a backward orientation[i]
Cobbled together in the AFTER hours
Thinking about and working the experiment;
multiplicity of performativity in absentia,
the chaos-world of performative texts,
and feeling into a trans*ecotone as field (not a score)
Start it up lite / grinning in the seat / rolling the tongue:
(play for teeny bit, warming it up, then fade out, & close the
What am I thinking about
- post performance low muddy no words sigh
- feeling far from interlocutors
- thinking w chaos and loss – and alternate kinds of joy
- feeling the POSTness of a five year journey: in LA REPEATER and in NY the three other works: SLIPPING INTO DARKNESS – Day, SLIPPING INTO DARKNESS -Night, and .bury.me.fiercely. offered world-making/breaking and time-haunt experiences - haunted/solo, ecotonal group, libidinal collision, affective opacity, queer old-school trans* bloodied-punk, and a hell of a lot of labor (don’t judge)
- thinking about life as glass (see Tolentino 2014 essay + upcoming 2020 Amelia Jones and Andy Campbell’s Queer Communion[v]
· Young points to new work’s ana-archival tendencies - 108 mirrors, 108 blood slides, 108 hours
· Felix and Ni’Ja & the original MFA project’s anarchic, trans* modalities burst a wish to stay
- disconnected and amidst very important and righteous body shifts (very intense, and feels very unrelatable in cohort settings. The body hurts. Unreadable. The coldness is not lost on me.
- contending with the aftermath of five years of work and the return of 1500lbs of materials to my house*studio. A privilege and a promise.
- thinking about In Praise of Shadows
- wondering what James Luna would think about this transitional rendering and the darkness he endured in the slowly sipped to death temporality. So icy.
- never nostalgia / worrying about xenophobia / anxious about all the binaristic tendencies
- world-breaking as world-making -🡪 project thematic on the horizon / and admittedly hard to get it up for arts 166 / 13 weeks and counting / forever-student steps off mentorship / dismantling & decentering
- this piece of writing is for reading and listening and losing and wandering
- patina of age as sensation / an inter(intra?)-penetration
- (fantasy:) Megan Thee Stallion raps on aging and menopause - hot girl
“A concern with histories that hurt is not then a backward orientation: to move on, you must make this return.”
Sara Ahmed from “Multiculturalism and The Promise of Happiness”
I am interested in the pacing of Ahmed’s writing.
&/with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAP0DeERqM0
(ok to listen later)[vii]
'Guess you figured my two times two / Always equates to one / dreamers are selfish / When it all comes down to it / I hope one of you come back to remind me / Of who I was / When I go disappearing / Into that good night '
Labyrinth – All of Us